Planning to go visit mother soon

I have not had the courage to go to the grave site since she passed away. Now I feel I must go and talk to her. That may seem strange, but I really do miss her input on my life, and the only place I feel comfortable with that intimacy is near where her body rests. I find myself many times subconsciously using her words, hearing her advice, and recounting her encouragements and praise. Those things take me to next levels, next steps, and generally remain on my walking path.

Happy Birthday

Life goes on or does it? Speaking for myself, a piece of my life is gone. But let's look at it a little pleasantly. My mom is having her birthday today. Yes, she turns 87 today, even though she is not alive to celebrate it. Her goal was 90. I shall be here every birthday until she reaches that goal and congratulate her. I do blame myself partially for her early passing and that is the reason I stick so close to this blog.

When you reach 80, you think you can still do everything for yourself. Oh sure, you have given up some things like perhaps driving. My mom was a speed typist. She never gave away her pride in being able to type. The 120 words per minute when she was younger made me feel small. She was a rocket on the keys. I wondered if her hands would catch fire. No one could move their fingers like that!

Now her fingers don't move at all. There is nothing more, just memories. That part of life goes on. Thankfully, she knew about my life before she died. My dad did not. He knew Linda was out of my life but never knew my current spouse would be there. I do not think he would have approved of me marrying again and he would have preferred that I made amends with my former wife. I know that deep inside. He would not have appreciated me marrying someone from a different country nor someone who spoke Spanish. But mother would have intervened to support whatever I did. She wanted me to choose a path that included the Christadelphian religion. After coming back and being addressed in the way I was, I knew that I could not do that. I remembered how I felt about the self righteous attitude over the attitude of giving in love. So I could not find myself doing as she wished, even for a short time. I feel bad about that. Why couldn't I sacrifice for her? I guess because I did that when I was young and tried to find my ideal in different ecclesias. Deep down inside I knew there was not another qualifying group among doctrines, but I did not like the internalization of the group and afterward considered the group as a whole as a cult. That is not a negative thing in itself, it is just how God's word was used to exclude people. I felt the whole ideal of God's family was missed and the group prided itself in the wrong thing - doctrine and righteous "pathing". Instead I felt the group should have been sensitive to the strays with tolerance and patience. The path was too narrow and there was little tolerance.

I always wanted to please my mother. It was matter of her quality of life. Her children were everything to her. When I went to Kazakhstan, I tried to get to see my dad and my mom every time I returned. I had never done that before. I felt that God had given me something and I needed to use at least some of it for their benefit. My mom was lonely in Glen Rose but that was the way she chose for herself. She had her church and when close brethren moved away, she made friends and attended other services in addition to her own tapes and studies. My dad and her met together to praise God. I was so proud of them for doing that.

So now, my mother remains in my life. It hurts to see her but it also give me joy that she lived here and I was part of her and her life. She gave me life and I will never forget that. She had high expectations of me and I have always tried to fulfill those. She loved all her children. She talked about Vella Jean, my half sister, shortly before my mom passed. She wanted us to keep her close to us. And that I intend to do. Vella is a person I have always loved but never retained at my side. She is special and her daughter, my niece, was very special to my mom and dad when my folks lived in North Carolina and Glen Rose. My niece inspired me to run even today, I attribute my desire to excel to that lovely and vivacious girl, now a woman and mom.

So happy birthday mom. I will tell you so in facebook also. You have been an inspiration to us all. You will continue to have a significant impact on me for the rest of my short days.

I was so glad you never had to face the death of any of your children. I never wanted to see you suffer through that.

We love you birthday girl!

My Mom's favorite tree

This is the first spring she has missed. I took this picture today in a very natural place. This is a Dogwood, what she saw in the East Texas and North Carolina forests. She always remembered it and so do I today. It is what I call, the diamond of the forest. It is what the honey bees search for to feed their young, to bring back to the hive. Life goes on in the forest when we leave. As we approach her birthday, we can understand her love of nature. Her favorite time of the year!

Is My Face Red?

Last year, my mother mis-communicated a date for some work on her teeth. This is the email she sent out.

Is my face red!! I saw the date on the menu today and it turns out that I will not be having surgery next weekend - I am scheduled for Nov 1st. I hope to get a desk calendar that shows one day that you tear off each night so I can keep up with the dates better. Hugs Edith/Mother

The rest of the story? She bought that calendar and it stayed beside her bed until she passed away. I went through that calendar to see what was scheduled for the future. There was nothing, but the past was on the calendar.

Celebration of lIfe article

I have written a blog article to share with the world about my mom. There will be a few others over time.

Celebration of Life

A special thank you for special people

While going through my mother's things, I came across numerous cards from her friends in her Christadelphian church. One particular group of ladies, they call the "sisters class" or international sisters group, sent her cards many times. In addition to that, some of her friends corresponded with her continuously.

One person in particular sent her an email every day she was in the hospital and of course, she never came back to open her email. The efforts and special thoughts were numerous, not only during her sickness, but over the past couple of years and probably more.

I, for one, am grateful that there are such people in this world both inside and outside a religious organization and a reminder to me of the love people can put forth through effort and time, to make a person know that she is loved and thought about. Thank you so much!

Randy's Last Eulogy - A Model Mother Indeed!

My perspective of my mother as her child. My mother was a mother til the day she died. Even in dying she was being a mother. These are the major legacies in my mind that I want to share in her departure.

Bird watching was part of the love of nature that she taught to me. It started for me when I was sick with the Hong Kong Flu. She took me to a park in Corpus Christi to watch migratory birds. I remembered every bird she taught me in that one week. I use that knowledge daily when I watch birds. I am indebted to her for loving nature as I do.

College Education was super important to her. She lectured to me regularly about it. One day I woke up and saw she was right. It was the door to a standard of living. Never was anything proven to be so right and done so well as that in my entire life. I am indebted to her for that realization and that persistence and unselfish love.

Religion was equally important to her. My faith remains with me today because of her. She lived in isolation away from others of like faith and that always bothered her a lot. She ended up bringing my dad into the Christadelphian faith. That work of hers for him and I changed his and my life. I am indebted to her for that.

Self Confidence was a gift given to me by her. She praised me often and did it in love so that I could stand up in life to life's many trials. She wanted me to be stronger than her. I am indebted to her for molding me into me.

I will sorely miss her. She more than did her job as a good mother.

Sarah's Poem to her Grandmother at funeral

A wife, a mother, a grandma too,
This is the legacy we have from you.

You taught us love and how to fight,
You gave us strength, you gave us might.

A stronger person would be hard to find,
And in your heart, you were always kind.

You fought for us all in one way or another,
Not just as a as a wife, not just as a mother.

For all of us you gave your best,
Now the time has come for you to rest.

So go in peace, you have earned your sleep,
Your love in our hearts, we'll eternally keep.

We will miss you Grannie!

And that day, Mother was speachless!

It is common knowledge that my mother could talk your head off. She knew every trick in the book to be heard. She knew how to talk and listen at the same time. Some weakness in her method revealed that she occassionally missed a few things and would repeat what she said in an effort to make sure she was heard. One day, she had nothing to say. It was my 25th birthday. I do not know what prompted this note, but it was worth keeping in her scrapbook.

My mother's scrapbook is a plastic bag

My mother's scrapbook is a clear plastic bag. It is sealed with a zipper and was not protected from the light. Yet the papers remained readable through decades, stored in her dark closets. I have not scanned everything but did select items that I know will be interesting and often meaningful for my family. These are shared because I believe our friends will be interested in much of this as well.

Click on images to see larger text for easier readability on any document or photo.

Mother valued pretty things with color, her family, her church and its principles, an advanced education, skills, the piano, the garden, quiet times, financial independence, good credit rating. She had many memories of the great depression, affecting her financial decisions. She constantly looked for Christ to return at every turn of world events.

Important things she wanted us to remember -

The War

My dad served in the Pacific. He was stationed at Randolph Air Base in San Antonio, thus my name. He was overseas building airbases to hold islands from the Japonese when I was born. Yes, Randy was in the war also although but a baby and at the very end of the war. Mother did not use all of my stamps. Aunt Avis supporting the war. Family Events

Mother's wedding announcement Aunt Avis won a recipe contest in Miami Oklahoma.

Marriage of Uncle Ken and Aunt Avis.
Aunt Sharon's wedding announcement. She is the youngest sibling of my mother. Ernest W. Banta Passes away - mother's rememberance poem. Russell recognition for excellence Sharon was selected to attend a special learning event due to her scholastic performance. Sharon, Valedictorian with a perfect grade, 1956. Sharon top of grade - recognition in Mason newspaper Sharon and BK's wedding announcement. The saddest event by far was a tragedy where two members of the family were killed instantly while working on a water well. This happened shortly after our family went out to the ranch for an evening get together of the family. I remember going to Alvie's place and seeing many jackrabbits run across the long dirt road to the ranch. I also recall the butter from the butter churn on fresh bread. Yummmmmm! Leah Passmore Johnson (Mom's sister) passes away. I remember her and the family quite well. She would always bring us firecrackers for Christmas.

Family Photos

Aunt Avis was quite pretty. She was mother's sister, the second born to Mom. Mother was the eldest. Gail at an unknown age. Mother and Dad's 50th wedding anniversary photo. Aunti Clara, sister of Mom Tinsley. Four generations. Mother was particularly proud of this photograph. Unsure who these two folks are.

Family documents

Mother was really proud of her typing speed, more than 100 accurate words per minute. The typewriter smoked!!!! My dad was proud of his performance as a bus driver. He explained how to make passengers comfortable by letting off of the brake when I was learning to drive. Words never to be forgotten. Mother's mom, Dora Tinsley, who we simply called "Mom" sent this letter to mother when we lived on Bartlett Dr in Corpus Christi. I believe that happened when I was in the 5th grade making the date of this letter somewhere around 1953. Page 1 of the letter from Mom on the accounting ledger letterhead of her dress store. Page 2 of the letter. Vella Jean wrote this card for Father's Day. Year unknown. Mom's drivers license